Max was finally able to see Monster truck in person. He and I had a mommy and max date. Something that doesn’t seem to happen very often. Normally when there is something he would like to do, Bella always likes it too. He enjoyed it a lot but then I think it got to loud as he was ok leaving a little early.
We made it through Valentine’s Day. I feel like this is the kick off to some pretty low times for me. It was a bit harder too this year with it falling on Ash Wednesday. So we somehow celebrated it twice. But thankfully we started back at Gildas for the kids grief group, so I got to have a date with my buddy Di. So happy for the kids to be back at Gildas. It seems that it does help them process, also we talk more openly about Josh and his death. Which is good since the 2 year anniversary showed up end of Feburary.
Before we went on a few days away, we headed down to visit family in lanmore chein....totally made up but we hit Lancaster, prairie du chien and Fennimore. It was a quick but nice visit since we missed traveling for the holidays.
Then we headed up to Great Wolf lodge in the dells. I swear it was so relaxing to be up there. It’s like a home away from home and the kids know everything so it’s safe too. We had a good time, it’s always bittersweet for me.
Year 2 has been strange. I knew Josh was gone, but it doesn’t seem like it has been 2 years. I won’t lie it’s been harder this past year then the first year. I feel torn between two worlds, the way it was and the way it is. I struggle with our daily life and commitments and making time for everyone else. I want to keep Josh proud and him part of our lives, hopefully through the lives of our friends and family. I know the kids have been asking more about things Josh did or didn’t do when he was at their age, so trying to figure that out has been tricky. I’ve learned that not everyone is as willing to talk about the past as much as others. I thought time would change that but so far I think I’ve discovered it probably won’t, so finding that balance for myself is a daily struggle.
March rolled in without fanfare. I started working on some new ideas for school, and the kids helped me with that. I love getting to teach them and having them be my field testers. We also got to hang out with our friends , both the kids friends and mommy friends. We finally made it back to visit Josh. I’ll admit I struggled this winter with going. I felt bad for not going and felt sad to go. Winter is so cold and dreary that spending time in the cemetery is hard. We cleaned up the area and brought out the bird seed along with a couple new items the kids picked out. The weather has been so nice that the kids want to play, including making a fairy garden out of nature.
We headed west a few times to see family. We enjoyed seeing grandparents and other family. Our 2nd trip we were able to celebrate Easter with the family and go to an egg hunt. This tied into our spring break, so we had some fun Lancaster time. Bella was able to attend her previous school for the day. Max and i road tripped to Organic Valley store. Little stuff makes our day 😁 max was able to farm and plant oats, and both kids got their fill of chores and milk lol
We spend the rest of our break was a patchwork of play dates, friends and cleaning. It ended with my birthday and Easter. It was nice to be with my family on my birthday along with performing with the church choir for Easter vigil. I’m so proud of my kids attending the long mass without complaints. Sunday was spent with family and Easter basket/egg hunt at home. I was happy to be able to provide a holiday to some people who do so much for us.
April came in chilly, but sun shining. Spring was in the air. The kids spent a lot of time outside, we started to work on some projects around the place.
