The Swing

So this weekend I had a swing break on me. Granted it was an old and rotten one, but it was pretty heartbreaking.
When I was a little girl, my grandma had a swing outside of her house. Her house wasn't the greatest so i didn't like being inside of it, so i would play outside. It was all there was in the yard, so i spent a lot of time with it. When she passed away, my mom got the swing. I always loved that swing and longed to have one when i got older. There is just something so relaxing about sitting on a porch rocking on an old wooden swing.
The old wooden swing i loved and probably used almost as much as my swing set. My mom would move it around the yard but somehow it always seemed to be in the backyard where i could look up at the clouds or stars. Before the fields turned to houses i could stare out at the fields towards the lake and wonder what lived before us in the area.  I helped to repaint the old swing a few times and always beg my mom to not get rid of it. I made her promise that i would the swing should anything happens to her.

When I met Josh's mom's side, I learned that his Aunt and Uncle had a wooden swing in their front yard. As the time went by often we would be greeted from either Duane or Diane on that swing when we went to visit. We visited often as they were in Madison and that was my place to get the "big city fix"  I always told Diane that I loved their swing.  I had hopes to get one when we were on the farm but there was never the money for it nor really a good location. Our front yard wasn't very flat and the carport was so busy with everything else that putting a big ol swing wasn't a good idea.
When we moved to the Lodge, Duane had passed away and Diane no longer had a good place for their swing, so she asked us if we would like it. I was so excited to get it. It fit perfectly with our wooden area and the lodge.

It just so happen that our septic cover was at the perfect spot to place the camera so we could take a family picture on the swing. I loved sitting on the swing while the kids played outside. In the afternoon the trailer would create shade so that i could be outside without sunburn. The kids would love to swing on it with me too. The cats would climb it to get to the roof of the trailer. Oh those silly cats! 

Even after Josh died we took pictures on it. It wasn't the same but we did it. The weeds were a bit more as i wasn't able to keep up with the yard as well as Josh did. The swing didn't get as much use in the last 6 months. Once we moved into the new house, we didn't go visit the trailer area. It was a bit hard to be back over there.  So the poor swing sat along in the weather.  The trailer is now being ready to be moved and so it was time for the swing to move. I was warned by some guys that it was pretty rotten and wasn't worth moving. That made me so sad. I even got the ok from Diane to junk it out. She knew how weathered it was, but still I had the high hopes of moving it. 

So I managed to get it loaded up on the skid steer. I got it moved down from the trailer to the new house. All in one piece. This was something that a year ago i never thought i would be able to do. 

Then I went to sit on it and the bottom busted off. My poor little swing had met it's maker. The support wasn't all working anymore, the bottom of it's broken, but yet I had hope for this little swing. This swing was more then a bunch of boards, it was memories of the past. Two men, a lifetime ago and a carefree time of security and hope. 

RIP little Swing 

What a busy weekend. It was a good one, but still busy. I feel like I get a wee little bit of downtime and then everything is rush rush rush.  We had a 5 day weekend this past weekend. Well the kids did, teachers had to report for a seminar on Mindfulness and mental health. I know that it was suppose to be more about how to handle students, but I found it to be helpful for me. Grief has presented itself as a way for me to find me, and in doing so  I'm presented with different emotions that i don't normally deal with. My sounding block and the one who kept me sane is no longer here, which means i must deal with everything on my own. It also means changes in me.  I don't want to change, but i feel like it's for the better down the road. So that was my friday. The kids got to enjoy the day with Nana and had a blast.
Saturday we headed up to sheboygan to see the family up there. We did a cookout at Aunt Rachel's and then just hung around Grandma's. It was perfect and relaxing. The kids had fun and it was nice catching up.

 Sunday it rained in the morning, but we lazed around Grandma's house and got to enjoy waffles and bacon. THen as we got up and moving the the rain stopped. Sun was shining as we got to the wade house.  The kids had a great time and we met up with Aunt Rachel, Uncle Joel, Alex and Sam.

I'm so lucky for Uncle Ben. The kids have so much fun with him and he does a great job with them. Hopefully we will be able to do more with him as the kids get older,too!
today was a so so day. We got stuff done at my mom's house, visited Josh's grave and got stuff done at home. I'm learning how much i can do on my own and who is there to help me.  It's still very hard for me to be alone. Today i wanted to go fishing with the kids, but I have no clue where to go, can't take off a fish and missing our poles. I miss that the most. Being outside doing things as a family. Josh was such an outdoors sportsman and i want to pass that on to my kids.   I've been trying to let things happen as they are meant to be and not stress over what i can't do, so i'm praying that there will be answer to my prayer of something to be outdoors with us.
***edit****
Missing pictures from Monday :(

A day of hooky

So Tuesday I did something that I thought I never would, I pulled the kids out of school to make a fun day in Madison. But now that I say that, I knew that someday it would happen. Josh and I had talked about it back when he was farming since farmers go nowhere from April to October.  It's not something that I would want to do if my kids were going to miss something big like a test or if they were falling behind on something. Also once they get older and the classes get harder and there is more work, it won't probably happen, but right now they are at the age that experinces are important and sometimes those can't be controlled to just the summer or weekends.

Anyhow Tuesday morning we had a lazy morning. Didn't race, but yet we still manged to make it out of the house by 825am. it was nice to just be relaxed, hang out in our pj's for a bit. Bella got to play with the calf and chickens.
Our first stop after home was the zoo. Silly me thought they opened at 9am, but its' really 930am, so we decided to hit up the park first.

he looks so much like his daddy these days. 

Once the zoo was open we were off and running. We saw just about everything we wanted to but the lions and tiger. Not too bad. It took us just over an hour and we road the train and carousel.

They were big into reading the maps. 

Always with the giraffes 

First time we've caught him laying down

These giant rodents are so funny

 Not as good as the How tall sign, but still as cute

 He was so close, it was pretty awesome

 Badgers!

 another zoo tradition.

 This little boy so badly wanted to do the train. So we had to do it first. He was so excited and happy to be on the train. Totally worth the money

 This was bella's choice. So we all rode it. The kids had a blast here too

after this we went into the photobooth to get pictures. that was fun as the kids had never done that before. Then we wrapped out our time int he zoo with the gift shop tour.
Next stop was the dentist for max. It was just a check up from his previous dental work. I think i forgot to post about that, but he had to go into the hosptial to be put under for two crowns and a few fillings. Poor kid got the bad end of the draw with teeth. This appointment went pretty well, but you could tell he held it against the dentist since he bit him. oops! But it earned Max a token and he got himself a new bouncy ball.

We then raced to Noodles to meet Aunt Diane for Lunch. My kids were starving since the missed thier normal snack break. it was really busy but we got a good spot. We managed to hang out there with Aunt Diane until the kids just couldn't' handle it anymore. We then stopped at the donut place before heading back to Aunt Diane's place. I promptly stop taking pictures, why i'm not sure,but somehow it happened. The kids did have a blast running around Aunt Diane's place.  We then manged to make it home before the traffic got crazy.  

Mothers day weekend

So this weekend turned into a mother's day weekend it seemed.  It started out Saturday morning with a meeting of the Jahnke family.  it was suppose to be for easter , but it was closer to Mother's day and three birthdays.  We missed a few family members but saw quite a few. We went to Benvento's and had a private room for the kids to be able to run around.

 it's awesome that the kids could color on the table. This kept most of them quite entertained.

Uncle Ben seems make my kids so crazy ;)
After eatting, Grandma, Tim and Uncle Ben came back to our place. Our trailer is finally getting moved. Bittersweet to see it gone, but at the same time, i'll be happy to have it gone.  MOre on those feelings later. So they came back to help me get it cleaned out. Then i made calls for help getting rid of the porch that needed to be disconnected.  Both Great Uncle Tony and Mr. B came over to help. In some crazy way, we got the trailer cleaned out, porch disconnected swing set moved and dumpster pretty much filled. I swear i just let whatever happened, happen and it all worked out.

taking out the stairs

the porch was pulled off by me in the skidsteer
After all the work, we went out to eat and then to visit Josh's grave.

 Happy early mother's day Grandma!

 the kids were playing with the trees and trying to get the pine cones

 Then they started to play hide and seek. Growing up i always went to the cemetery with my mom to visit our family's grave sites. It was never scary or weird  to me. I pray that my kids grow up feeling the same way.

 my sweet kids in front of the field across from the cemetery. I think it's pretty fitting for our family.

Playing with Uncle Ben again.
Sunday morning was mother's day. My sweet little boy was up around 530am and went to wake up his sister. Somewhere around 6ish am, they tried to give me my present but i asked them to wake until after 7am.
So at 7:01am they came in with gifts.  I got a sweet flower/handprint artwork from max along with a flower pot with handprint flowers. Bella made me a tea pot with some tea.  Then with the help of Nana the kids got me some flip flops, chocolate, and a decorative stone for outside.  We then had a lazy morning. I made some cinnamon rolls for a light breakfast.

At 11 we joined nana and Aunt Darlene for brunch in watertown. It was yummy and so nice to have a choice of foods, aslo no waiting for food either :) Once we had full bellies we headed to the Octagon House. I haven't been there since Bella was a tiny tot. the kids are interested in "olden days" stuff, so i thought it was a good time. Since it was mother's day, Nana and I got in free and max was free too. So only paying for one made it totally worthwhile. The kids did great. Max raised his hand to ask questions, and Bella knew history. I think they had a good time. I didn't take too many pictures since it was a quick moving tour.

After this, my mom took the kids home and I got to go to Tractor supply and kohl's by myself. It was so nice to be able to shop for me. I almost bought stuff for the kids but put it back. Today was about me. :) When i got home Max and I set out to plant his corn.

We wrapped up Mother's day just hanging out outside, easy supper and being.