The last happy day

While Josh was in a lot of pain post the First communion, he managed to have a semi ok day at home with the family on Sunday. We opted out of church instead having Fr. come to us. We just let Josh rest, take pain meds on time and be with us.

This was a lot of Josh last few days at home. Bella spent the most time with him, she would be close but not too close. 

By 11pm this night Josh's pain was so unbearable that he asked to be transfered to Rainbow Inpatient center to control the pain. We knew then he probably wouldn't come home again. 

So yah that thing happened

Beginning of February our lives changed and not for the better. Josh had some issues with his drains which led to us finding out that the tumor was taking over and hospices was our only choice. His time left with us was down to weeks. Our lives were turned upside down. Josh was pretty miserable the last month, but tried to put on a good face for the kids. It was so hard for me to turn over the care of him to someone else and knowing that i couldn't make it better for him. We put on hold any plans of doing things other then just being a family. We had some family come to help out, i stopped working and focused on doctor's appointments, nurse visits, shuttling the kids around and learning about hospice life.
there has been so much since i last updated. I want to try to remember some of it, but since it's almost May, i know i will have forgotten.  I have a few separate post to make about big events like Bella's first Communion, family pictures, our trip to florida and our lives since Josh passed away.
Thank you to those who have bared with me..i haven't forgotten this blog.

So the Josh earned himself a three day hospital stay, we got a "blizzard" so i stayed up at the hospital with him while my mom held down the fort with the kids. it was Catholic schools week so bella had fun dressing up. Josh then spent what Good time he had with the kids, building things, playing games or watching movies.

Western day

Watching a movie together

Roller skating with my girl

Poms performace

Flowers from my sweet heart

Playdough fun

The hospital days...

So you can visit Josh's caringbridge site to know what happened with him. I did mange to take a few pictures while he was in the hospital. My days were spent making sure he was ok, getting nurses for him, taking walks and reading a book while he napped. At night I stayed at a friends or back to my moms. Thankfully the stay was only 5 days this time.

530am in waiting for josh to go to preop. This was kind of worrisome as I wondered if this would be the last picture of us.

The view foe icu

24 hours after surgery I got this :-) 

Upgraded views with a room change...snowy Saturday morning at the capital

Real food!

Yeah a new picture of us! 

The capital at night.....

Going home

A couple of the kiddos. I haven't seen any pictures from when I wasn't around

This is what the missed the most when I was gone

Yes she had to do homework since she missed two days of school

Well to routine , I think?

So this morning Bella went back to school. Oh I was so happy to let her go back to school. Only problem was I was not on top of my game. So we were late. I dropped her breakfast bc we were rushing, yelled at josh and just felt bad. So yeah welcome back to a routine. Praying tomorrow goes better.  I did get Bella to school 10 mins before she was to start class. Then I had to ask about latchkey, which is an afterschool program. Bella went once back in November when we had an appt for josh that we knew we wouldn't make it home in time to get her and didn't want to confuse her or bother someone else. It worked out great as she was so excited to go. Well we have the same situation coming up next week, so had to check out what we needed to do. 

After that was set up, I headed home to apologize to josh and try to get something done in the house. I started on Bella's room, when josh went out to do some chores. My mom arrived around 9:45am and Max was so happy to see her. I think Bella we'll be just as excited when she sees nana pick her up from school. 

Josh and I left home a little after 10 so he could pick up some parts for the tractor before heading to Madison for his two scans. One we got in early, yeah! I was a little upset when I found out there was a closer waiting room I could be in then just the general germs one, but oh well. I got myself some snacks as I didn't want to eat in front of josh, and worked on downloading music. 

Once josh was done we went to trader joes to kill some time and get snacks for josh once he can eat again.  We got to the 2nd scan an hour early,  but they couldn't get us in early. Josh went back and I was left to sit in a hallway area for about 2 hours due to the coughy people in the actual waiting room. Josh was able to stop and give me a kiss in between because he came out to use the bathroom. He was done by 430 pm. That was earlier then the 5 they told us. 

We headed home and stopped along the way to get supper for josh and me. We arrived home to two excited kids. They had a great time with nana. Bella was able to celebrate Christmas at her school and brought home a new Barbie. They had a gift exchanges.  

My mom left but ended up calling us due to an error light coming on. Josh met her in Montfort to get it all checked out and send her on her way. By the time he got back home it was bed time. 

It was a long day but busy. 

Waiting room number one. 

Tired after a long day..does he look radioactive?