Happy Birthday Josh and Bella

Today my birthday buddies celebrated their 32nd and 7th birthdays.  It was a very laid back day. Bella went to VBS and had  blast there, so she was gone most of the day. I set aside my fears and told Josh if he wanted to go fishing he could go, by himself.  Since he’s not as strong and able to do what he all could before, I’ve been worried about him on in the boat all alone.  So that was pretty my gift to him. He did have a good time, he caught three catfish to bring home. He saw a lot of fish, but couldn’t catch them.

Max and I stayed home and Max pretty much napped the whole time. Poor guy is having a rough time. He wasn’t feeling well, caught what his sister had on the weekend, and then with everything going on with Josh, he’s struggling to figure out all of his emotions. So he wanted to sleep away the afternoon, I was ok with it.

I had to wake him up when I got the call that Bella was done with VBS. He wasn’t so happy about, but went along with it. We picked up Bella, who got treated to ice cream! She was a sweet girl and shared with her brother !

We got home as Daddy was walking up to the house. Then we, or I should say I, started working on Daddy’s cake. Bella said she wanted to help, but then when it came time, she didn’t really. So Josh cleaned fish and chores, while I worked on the cake. Which btw took forever to make. So our meal plans got changed up.

We went to our local favorite, and it was crazy busy. Poor Max couldn’t handle it.  I ate quickly and then took him back to th car while Josh and Bella finished up. We came home to have cake, only it wasn’t really ready yet either, so we had a small slice and then ice cream, which made everyone happy.

Bella is 7!

Wow, Time has really flown by, it seems like just yesterday that I was announcing I was pregnant with Bella. I started this blog when she was about 9 months old, but I had a baby website to start out with first.

Today Bella is 7 years old. She is 60lbs and 51 inches tall. She will be entering 2nd grade in about a month. 

The last year has been crazy. It was a year ago that we moved and changed everything up. Bella has rolled with the punches so well. She seems to enjoy our new home, even though it means sharing a room with her brother.  She has learned how to take better care of herself and the area around her. While she doesn’t like chores, she does them well.  During the school year she can get up and all ready to go with minimal reminding. A far cry from last year.

Speaking of school, Bella just thrived this year. She was able to make new friends and learn a whole new school. She learned so much and I think some of it was just the better understanding of reading. She reads everything and anything. Her penmanship is awesome!  She loved art and science in school. She joined any group in school she could, including prayer club and reader’s theater. She also went out for Poms and performed at the basketball games.   Her grades were outstanding and she improved each quarter. She got up and spoke at church and sang for school masses.

In the last year, she traveled to Missouri as a family trip and we did a stay at Deer Valley Lodge.  She has many opportunities to see her cousins and friends, as we are so much closer to them now. She learned how to ice skate and Rollerblade, but no where near closer to riding a bike.

She has lost teeth like crazy. After almost a year of only having two out, she has lost about 8 in the last year.

She is still my fruits and veggie girl. She’s a little better at trying new foods, then she was before. She branched out with ice cream flavors and willing to try new ones, instead of just vanilla. Favorite Pizza is Chicken bacon ranch. She loves smoothies too.  Still not a fan of meat but we can get her to eat a little here and there. She makes her own pb&J. Favorite breakfast food is nutella crepes.

Other favorites:

TV: odd squad, looney tunes, tom and jerry and any barbie movie.

Toy: Littlest Pet Shop, shopkins

Doll: Mimi and Isabelle

Color: Pink and Purple

Friends: Trin, Elsie, Ella, Megan

Activity : To do Art

Future Career: Artist or clothes designer

She’s a great big sister and loves Max to death.. though she can be pretty bossy too. She’s now decided she should be in charge of him, which drives everyone crazy. They do play so well together, and love to play pretend games.

We’ve had a rough go with Josh in the last couple months, but Bella has been asking questions and learning more about what is going on with Daddy. She joined a kids support group and is loving it. I’m gald she has a place to express her feelings and is more open to talking to us about it.

There have been some struggles like not understanding why daddy had to work the summer, or why she can’t have every toys she sees, but we have taken those in stride.

I look forward to see what year 7 brings us and all the new stuff that going to come our way!

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, thursday

I'm So this is going to be a busy fun week! Bella is in vacation bible school all week. She's so excited and she had her first class today. It was nice as a reminder to us that school is around the corner. Thankfully we have so,e good friends who are able to take her and bring her back. 

With her gone, max was loving up my extra attention. Josh and I worked on some bills and paperwork stuff.  

After lunch and the boys went to rest, I ran to shopko to get medicine for josh. Then I also did some back to school shopping and birthday shopping. While I was shopping Josh called to tell me Fr. Greg came to visit. So I raced to get Bella and arrive back at home. 

Everyone had a good visit and he joined us for supper. Post supper we went down by the shop and started working on getting it ready for the party on Saturday.  It was a big sticky, so we didn't last too long before back up to the house. 

I cleaned up and went to a homemade bug spray workshop with Tori while josh tended to bedtime with the kids. I needed a little break of non-worry and girl chat. Josh did well with the kids, matter of fact they were both sleeping and he manged to shower and I got home at 830pm! 

Tuesday was a crazy day again. Bella went off to vbs again. But I had to go pick her up early due to an appointment in Madison. I had an appointment at 10 then joined Bella for mass. I was also able to connect with some staff from school which was nice. Then we did so,e mommy/Bella time with lunch and a visit to st. Vinnys. 

We got home just in time to wake up the boys and leave again. My friend in Madison was watching the kids for us, so we dropped them off first. The kids did really well at drop off. Josh and I got to his appointment on time . The appointment it's self was good. I'm glad we have found a good overall doctor for josh. Naturally it ran late and took forever to get out of the UW. We also got stuck in rush hour, but picked up happy kids. 

We went out for a treat to pizza ranch, which to our surprise kids eat free on Tuesday :-) the kids did really well, since it was late and busy.. We then had to run to shopko again for another prescription before heading home. 

Josh got a lot of sleep, for the first time since probably June.  Bella went off to vbs, my mom came to take Max and josh and I went up to the UW. It was a long day with us up there. The kids had fun so that's all that was important. 

Things kind of got crazy for me here and went down hill from there. Really struggling with a lot of feelings mostly grief and anger. I'm walking a fine line and a schedule is the only thing that holds me together.  So josh didn't feel well post procedure and took most of Thursday to get back to better. A long sleepless night with many tears got me to feel a bit better. 

Saturday/Sunday July 25

Today was a better day. We were worried about the heat and humidity, but thankfully it didn’t get to bad.

Josh’s dad came up to help him get the breaks on my car fixed and the oil changed. He did all the work while Josh was resting and handing him tools. They also worked to get a new pig feeder made for those silly pigs. I know it also helped Josh to hang out with his dad, kind of doing the normal stuff.

We also went to church at night, which was nice.. not sure how we still ended up late, but that’s no surprise. We then went out for supper, as a treat. The kids didn’t seem to happy about it, but it was nice for Josh and me.

Sunday Max wasn’t feeling that great, so Josh and Bella went off to my sister’s for a day of fun. I stayed home and cleaned with Max. My mom did come around 1 to stay with max while I went out to the store. It was nice to get out by myself for a bit.  Josh and bella arrived back home in time for supper. Then it was an early to bed night…

So not an exciting weekend, but totally almost like a “normal” weekend!

MIA

So here’s what I’ve learned..hospital stays, Doctor visits and sick people in my house lead to breaks in blogging. IT started out with us having to go back to UW on Wednesday afternoon for a drain check. We had no idea what they would find out what would happen. My mom watched the kids for us. We got up there a bit late, but didn’t make much of a difference we still waited and waited. I think at 3 something they took Josh back. Thankfully the drains are still in placed so not to be alarmed when they start bleeding.  Since we didn’t get out of the hospital until around 5, we decided to go out to eat. We hit up Panera bread, and it was really yummy. It was also nice to have a little meal out with Josh. That doesn’t happen to much anymore since he’s not feeling to up to it, and I hate to ask for a baby sitter for us to have a meal alone. But I think I finally found a local babysitter for just events like date night

The rest of the night was quick. Josh was in pain due to sitting in the hospital beds and tired from lack of sleep.. I was tired too..so yeah.

Thursday was chemo. We all slept too late then raced out of the house. Then it took forever. The kids did great though. Thank you for Disney Jr and Tom and jerry. We now know that Josh will be getting fluids with his treatment, so we need to account for them. By the time we were done, it was race home to get everyone down for naps and then I headed to a work meeting. Which was productive and I’m looking forward to next school year. I’ll be losing more time at home, but I think it’s what was going to come anyhow. At least being with the school , I’m off with the kids and can attend all the school events during the day too.  

Chemo caught up with Josh and so he was feeling off by night fall.. and then Bella came down with a fever and chills. I’m pretty sure I was going to have a panic attack trying to figure out what to do. I couldn’t be with both of them, but both needed me. and lets not forget Max either. Poor Bella was so freaked out too. Poor girl, I think all sickness is going to put her into a tizy. 

Friday was hard. Josh wasn’t in a good place phsyically or mentally. I was on night 3 of little to no sleep, Bella was sick and Max was clingy. Somehow Josh managed to get Max to my mom’s, and hay for the cows before getting to the clinic for fluids and iv meds. I took Bella to the doctor who gave us antibiotics to be on the safe side since we can’t risk anyone else in the house getting sick.  Once we got back home, she and I worked on disinfecting everything and doing many loads of laundry.

My mom brought max home, who went down for a nap, Josh got home and passed out for a few hours. We had Bella resting in her bed to prevent germs. I took some downtime once Josh woke up, before friends came over to help out with a couple farm projects.  We have been so lucky that we found a great church /school family. But I think that’s just what Josh needed. while he didn’t do anything outside but sit, he had someone to talk to, a guy, and seemed to perk up. Then we got the mail where some angels sent us a card that got our minds changed around to the positive things. it amazing how something so little could just be the upswing we needed.

Bedtime was a chore since Bella needed sleep but Max doesn’t let her get to sleep quickly. So trying to separate them is hard. Josh and I did finally get them to bed and then we went to bed. Poor Josh though struggled to get sleep. Guess the steroids kicked in. I got broken sleep again. I think the lack of sleep is what’s doing more harm then anything else we are going through.

pictures from last week when Josh stated making bows for the kids!

Family picture…because we slack when times get tough

tuesday July 21st

So Last night Josh was able to sleep in bed for two long chucks of time. It was suprising to me, and he even said he got better sleep then in his chair!  I’ll admit that I’m struggling with his sleeping in the chair at night instead of our bed. I know the reason, but still it’s hard.

Josh let me sleep in a bit, but then after we all ate breakfast, he went down for a nap while the kids played. I worked on picking up.  My aunt dropped off a coffee pot, as Josh went back to drinking coffee since any liquid is needed at this point..doesn’t matter what type it is.  Then Josh’s aunt arrived to help us out with stuff around the place. It was so nice of her to offer and we were able to get a lot done.

Josh was able to show me and let me learn how to use the skid steer better. I got to work on cleaning out Lily and Poppers shed.  Then Aunt Micki took Bella and the two of them worked on some projects while Max napped and Josh had to take a couple phone calls. I was able to get some stuff done n the house too.  Then when we were pretty much done, we got to have a nice visit.

Then as we went to get ready to go to Gilda’s club (support group) we noticed smething off in Josh’s drains. So yeah we debated what to do. We went to group and then after group something was really off so off to the er we went. Diane came to pick up my kids and bring them back home and my mom watched them once there. (even though I was told both stayed chatting )

The Er visit was long, but gave us a small piece of mind to come home and call and schedule a return visit the next day.

By the close of today, we were still sitting in the ER or on our way home!

thanks Aunt Micki for the picturesrea

Another lost weekend

So Friday was suppose to be a good day. It was going to pretty warm, but josh wanted to get out in the boat, but I wasn't up for it. I ended up staying home with Max and had a doctor appointment of my own. Josh and Bella went out on the boat for two hours. They didn't have any luck, but a good time.

From there things went down hill. There was lots of rest for josh and the kids. As time went on, josh was getting more and more pain. Got the kids to bed and he was miserable. We made it through the night somehow, but by 230am, I knew we would be going to the ER. 

First think Saturday morning, I called my mom to watch the kids so I could take Josh in. He couldn't talk and barly walk. At least the ER moved quickly. I got to stay with josh for pretty much everything, which was nice. My sister offered to take the kids, once Bella got home from a birthday party. She agreed to keep the kids until about 730pm. Josh got a room and a plan about 3pm, so I was able to go get lunch with Diane and visit with her before heading home. I hate having josh in the hospital,mbut it's now the only time I get to relax and rest myself. I got home early enough to get some cleaning done, sad I know. I loved on my kids once they got home and kept up to date on how Josh was doing via texting. 

Sunday was a good start, I slept through the night and up before the kids. Josh got the news that he could come home if he thought his pain was under control, before Diane arrived to babysit for me. For once it was a quick discharge, probably because they were clueless at the hospital....we had a great doctor, but the nursing staff wasn't so hot. We got home and max was napping, so it was a quick lunch and josh tried to get a nap while the loud one was out. Honestly it was a rough homecoming, as josh was pretty miserable and I was clueless to help him. We did have some friends come over as a distraction, which I think helped a bit. I probably wasn't the best host. Our priest also came too which was nice. The night again was rough. It was hard sleeping alone with josh in the next room, miserable, so I brought max to bed with me. He's lighter to carry then Bella. 

Today was a bit better. It's a new learning curve for us, since we have another side affect to deal with.  We also both spent our mornings calling about appointments, supplies and following up on paperwork.  We braved the grocery store and Walgreens. So thankful we haven't had to buy much with the lovely meals and food people have been bringing us. 

Update, I started this Monday afternoon and now it's Wednesday and I can't remember what Monday was like :-(

Thursday July 16th

This is what I posted on Instagram/FB: Happy ten years to my wonderful guy! It took 2 years of just friends before we were a couple. It has been a crazy rollercoster ride in 10 years. Three address, 2 kids and one major lifestyle change. We have fought hard for everything and won't ever give up fighting for each other. You are my rock and always there . It's hard to remember my life without you in it. If I wouldn't have been so stubborn we probably would have been married after only dating for 6 months. You go along with some of the silly things I want, like pictures and spending time as a family. You passed on your love of the outdoors and farming to me. We have two kids that are even splits of us and I love watching you with them. You are the strong silent type, but have so many opinions and ideas that I love hearing. While I want to wish for more, I'm just grateful for all the moments we have shared and will continue to share. Lovers you, @joshwarp !

Our day wasn’t very eventful other then Josh was able to get Chemo. My mom came and got the kids around 11am since Josh’s appointment was at noon. We spent four hours at the clinic. I wish they would be up front with us on timing for stuff, very frustrating. Also it meant a lot of thinking time for Josh and I, which led to some emotional conversations.

After we ate supper, Josh decided to see if the Kids wanted to help him start on making homemade bows and arrows for the kids. They were game, expect it started raining.. so we just hung out in the shop while Josh worked and explained to the kids what he was doing. It was nice to be out of our house since we knew that we would be homebound with the upcoming warm temps.

Since my update is lacking..here’s some pictures from events over the last few days that I didn’t add pictures too

Wednesday July 15

I'll admit the night was hard. Josh couldn't sleep, but he didn't tell me the reason until morning, so my thoughts turned bad and I felt like crap. Josh struggled to get comfortable so I moved to the couch until he woke up around 4am and moved to his chair. I went back to bed and prayed for him and sleep. Due to lack of sleep, it was a rough night. Any volunteers to be a night watchman for me? 

Morning was hard for both of us, but thankfully my mom came and took the kids in the morning. Josh seems to do better once the sun is up.

Josh and I worked on some things, made phone calls and then ran errands without kids with us. We did meet up with them in watertown and all went to lunch at Pizza Hut, before coming home to take naps. Josh went down quickly, Bella was reading and max, well he was hard. Not sure of the problem but he was uncomfortable and very tired. Once I got him asleep, I waited for josh to wake up before I could lay down for a bit. Josh took Bella to wash the bug spray off my car and due chores while I rested with max.  A friend brought off supper for us, so we enjoyed spaghetti and meatballs. Since we didn't have to cook, we got done eating early and took the kids out to a local park to run and play. 

It was a nice night, cool temps, little breezy and few bugs. The kids had a blast. It hurt my heart a bit to see josh not being able to really play with them or be comfortable hanging around the park. He loosened up a little shortly before we had to head home, which was good. I hate what cancer has done to him and our family, but we aren't letting it stop us all the way. 

A picture, not from today but two months ago. 

Tuesday July 14th

There is no entry for Monday the 13th. It just plain sucked. Not in the sense that required a hospital stay or anything really serious happened. Matter of fact it probably is the reason today is a good day.

I did something to help my mental health yesterday and Josh was feeling off all day. by lunchtime we called the doctor and asked what we do. Josh said he didn’t want to go to the hospital, so the doctor had him come in for fluids, blood work and some steroids. I prayed and prayed all afternoon, even after Josh got back home. The blood work came back good, so that was a positive. Then shortly after we got home the storms came. and I was just done for the night.

Overnight though, Josh was actually able to sleep in bed all night. I on the other hand felt icky or injured myself somehow.. So I didn’t sleep as well. I did sleep better then previous nights.

Come morning, Josh was able to eat pretty well. He was also feeling pretty good after getting a almost full nights rest. He asked if we would be up for fishing this morning. I had told him last week friday that I wouldn’t let him go out fishing until we made it past Tuesday with no hospital stay..so Here it is Tuesday and he’s feeling good. So after breakfast and getting the kids ready, we headed out to the lake.

Naturally we get there and it's choppy. Why I suddenly worry about capsizing the boat,is beyond me, but after not getting my sea legs after our last choppy water fishing, I wasn't looking forward to this. Thankfully the lake was dead, so we went to the marsh and we had good luck. It wasn't one right after another, but we manged to catch enough to keep us going. Poor Bella wasn't so lucky and max refused fishing all together.  

We stayed out about 2.5 hours, which was perfect. We got home, I fed the kids while josh cleaned fishes for our lunch. He made that up for us, which was yummy, then it was nap/rest time. Max and josh napped. Bella read book then I let her watch a movie on the tablet. I spent a little time picking up and doing laundry and most of my time reading a book. 

About 330 josh and I did chores and then woke up max to go our support group meeting. Max was all about that, so that made for an easy transition. 

The group went well. I felt pretty go afterwards, but I think it was harder for josh. The kids had a blast as normal. The drive home went quick since we talked through it all. Then trying to settle down our kids was hard. 

July 12

The night was awful. Josh and I got even less sleep then the night before. He decided to sleep in his chair, thinking I wouldn’t get up, but I still woke up every time he did. Then I got up once on my own due to a   nightmare. I swear I shouldn’t be allowed those when I’m already lacking sleep. I know Josh isn’t critical to need a night nurse, but it would totally help me out to know that there was someone here who knew what to do in an emergency. I know there  really isn’t much that can be done, other then get him to a hospital, but still I feel like I’m not doing enough or know enough.

Bella had a rough morning too, after being woken up too early by her brother, Josh suggested she goes back to sleep, she took it the wrong way and upset. Max was just getting into her face when she did “wake up” I got up about the time breakfast was done and Josh seemed ok. By the time we all got ready for church, he wasn’t feeling well at all. I kind of freaked out. I decided I couldn’t go to church and be worried about him the whole time. So we stayed home. The kids enjoyed some tv and playtime. Josh napped in our room.

Around 1 my mom take to get Bella to give her a break from our boredom zone. Max flipped out with My mom coming and not taking him. So I gave him ice cream and then he went down for a nap. Josh woke up and was finally start to feel better. We aren’t sure what the cause to his sudden feeling very off and tired, but we think it might have been a medicine issue.  We had friends arrive a bit later to do our yard work and help get a waterline ran for the pigs. Which is a godsent since our poor pigs were overheating. I’m hoping that I can manage the yard soon, but see above and I’m just too tired!  Then our priest arrived to give a blessing and communion to Josh and I. Max was happy when he woke up from his nap to see friendly faces. He loves Fr. Tom and very happy to show him his “artwork” and his John Deere movie. 

After they all left, I was done. I’ve never been that great in the heat and then with my nerves shot, I need to rest. Josh was feeling better so that was helpful. My mom called to stay she and Bella would be home soon, so Josh started supper. It was leftover..I’m learning to love them.  Bella got home with 75% of her school supplies and new toys for max and herself. 

The kids acted like they hadn’t seen each other in ages, which is what I was hoping for, and went to play together while I did chores. They went pretty smoothly and I got back up to the house and suggested  to Josh to do something fun with the kids since he really hadn’t had a chance to play with them today. So they settled on Legos/megablocks.

after that it was time to get ready for Bed. Which is a total fight in our house these days. Hoping for a routine soon.  

While the kids were settling down and attempting to sleep, I got to play nurse and help make sure everything was ok with Josh’s drains. I give a big shout out to Nurses! I have enough troubles doing it for one person, I couldn’t manage doing it for multiple people a day.