Memories of Outdoors

This past week has flown by. It was crazy and I'll admit i was totally off with having the Monday off. Don't get me wrong i was grateful for it, but it puts my already unknown day another days. While we had that holiday break, Summer arrived in full force. We have had 80 degree days, some thunderstorms that brought with it humidity that makes you feel like you have just showered.   The kids are ready to be done with school and it seems like all that is left in school is the fun stuff: extra recess, games, treats and field trips :)

As these days have approached, the loss of Josh has appeared more evident. Last summer, I was in denial and shock through most of the summer. I was also distracted by trying to get a house built and learn how to be a computer teacher.  We have been spending every night out on the patio before bed playing outside. The kids just need that extra fresh air to not fight falling asleep. While we are out there, a cardinal has visited our bird feeder each night.

I know that Josh would totally be outside with us if he could be, so seeing that cardinal reinforces I'm doing the right thing, since it's shaves 30 mins off bedtime. OOPs.

We also have spent time outside planting our garden. IT's not the best or more organized, but it's ours and it has the few things we really enjoy, corn and pumpkins. I'm sending lots of prayers up that our corn will make it.

I opened my phone up yesterday to be flooded with memories from our times outdoors. From times on the farm(first harvest) to swimming at my sisters to celebrate my nieces birthday to the big father's day fishing trip we did early because Josh would be in the hospital for father's day.  That fishing trip got me the most. We had such a blast. Max was only 7 months but he was happy as long as he was with us, that's all he needed was Mama, Dada and sometimes Bella. Bella was so into fishing and wanting her and daddy to catch the big fish. We moved to quite a few locations so she never got bored. She was was Josh's shadow when we went fishing.

Seeing all those photos makes me mourn the fact that we haven't been out fishing yet this year. yes i could take them to the mill pond by us,but what do i do if we caught a fish? I have no luck taking them off the hook.  I just want someone to take us out fishing, take the boat out for a ride and just let the kids explore the lake/pond/river.  How does one even start to look for that person when i know who i want to do it, but yet he's unable too.
In my mourning state I went to a vintage /craft sale in the rain. So many things reminded me of Josh and how he would love them. I did get a couple pictures to put up that combine Josh and I. They don't scream Josh unless you know about our history. I don't want our house a shrine to him, but so much of my life has been with him.
Then i took a little me time and got my hair done. It was nice to catch up with my hair stylist and not worry about anything else. But afterwards i was back on mom duty, picking up my kids from my mom's and heading to farm and fleet. No better place to mourn your husband then his favorite store..or maybe the store he always spend the most money in.  I did the same as him before coming home. The kids picked out a slip and slide. Since it was warm enough and we have enough hills now. So we broke that out first things we when got home. Granted we aren't able to put it on a big hill yet, since the hose is too short and they wanted shade, but they still had a blast using it.

Somehow i manged to pull them away from it to get dress for church, which we showed up late too. Ugh, but we went up to the balcony, which was good because Max needed to be rocked to sleep and then slept through Mass. My arms were jelly by the time I got him to the car. I guess I was exercising my spirit and arms. We ventured to The Corner for supper, as i wasn't up for making it after a long and busy day.

I could have gone home after we ate, but after my day, i wanted to be closer to Josh. So we went to the cemetery and hung out for almost an hour. The kids just ran and played. I sat on the bench taking it all in and feeling close to josh. I hate that i have travel 20 mins from my house to be close to my husband, but at least i'm able to do that, I know some people aren't. With the shade tree and open area around us, it's perfect to hang out at.  Again we are outdoors.. it seems to be a theme or a calling

A year gone by

 What I posted on Facebook: This was the post I never wanted to have to write, but unfortunately God needed a farmer up in heaven more then he was needed on earth. I want to thank those who reached out to me and the kids yesterday. We took the day to spend it together having fun like Josh Warpinski would have wanted us to do. I had a buffalo burger like he would have loved, the kids did tube slides and arcade games like josh loved. We had a large cookie decorated like his favorite football team, the Packers. We miss him so much and that doesn't fade, but we keep going to keep his memories alive
 So I didn't know what to expect for the one year, but i knew i needed to get away and not have to worry about the memories, i would just sit and sulk if we stayed home, matter of fact i would have had to work. I knew i couldn't deal with kids, people, and what not, so i made plans to get away to the hotel that was the site of our first real family vacation:

 Josh was post herina surgery and we realized that we needed to get away for some family time. We took advantage of being off in the middle of the week and went for two days. We had been married for 4 years and this was the 2nd vacation we had taken.

We then returned two years later on spring break, life was crazy as we were attemping to figure out what would happen to the farm and us. But we needed that time away to just be a family and not worry about the rest of the world. So Great Wolf to the rescue.  Little did we know this would be the last real family vacation we would get.

So i knew in my heart this was the location for us. (the other choice was Florida, but that didn't go as i had planned last year, so yah)  The kids were so excited to go, and i'll admit i needed a break from everything too. There is something magical about hotel stays. Life there is so simple and the outside world seems to far away. It was nice to be able to block everything out. 
We were lucky enough to go with Aunt Livy and her boyfiend, so i had another adult to help otu with the kids. This was handy in the waterpark area. It was also nice to catch up with them and have some one on one time with them.
The rest of the pictures are in random order, but it all happened up at the dells.

 We got a group deal that allowed the kids to do so many fun things..one of them was the magic quest. Bella was so excited. Max went along but not as big of a fan. Thankfully at the end Livy and Jordan went with Bella so i could hang out with max.

 We caught the clock tower show as much as we could. Discovering you can watch it in the morning was a great thing!

 One night we ate a late supper so that we could enjoy the pool more, so it was supper to go while waiting for the clock tower show

 So the kids got to make stuff animals and then go on a quest through out the hotel with the animal. The only bummer was none of our pictures that were suppose to be in my email worked. :(

 Trying to recreate the hotel elevator picture from the years before.

 In the arcade.. max loved this "game" the best

My sweet kiddos!

 So we made it to knuckleheads(which is just across the parking lot from GWL. We had the trampoline park to ourselves for a whole hour! that was so tiring but we jumped and jumped!

 attached to Knukleheads is Buffalo Phils which has a train deliver your food to you. the kids loved it.

 Waiting for our room! wouldn't you know it, our room wasn't ready yet when we checked in. It was worth the wait though because it was not far from the elevators and on the top floor..so very little noise :)

 Bella had fun explouring the tree house area with Aunt livy.

 Max played in the new kiddie area. He liked that  it didn't have a lot of splashing water and he didn't need his life jacket.

 The kids learned to love the wave pool. so we spent a lot of time out there, jumping in the waves. Max said it was like the ocean.

 The lazy river was nice, but we never got to be too lazy.

 Breakfast one morning. Mini waffles with wolf paw prints. Miss the big ol waffles.

 I got a cookie cake in honor of Josh. seemed fitting.. Green Bay Packers, sweet and sugary.

This just seemed to speak to me. I ended up with a magnet like this, but i want to get this print someday.

 always gotta get a picture by the Bear Paw

 Stuffing his Gray Wolf

 Bingo time

 We found a sign from Platteville. a sign from above i'm sure

 Lunch at Cracker Barrel, which everyone else wanted to do too. we waited over an hour for food.

Love these shirts.. created by Sneakers and Steel Toes ( https://www.facebook.com/sneakersandsteeltoes/)

 Still his and forever his

 Our updated charm braclets. Mine is the castle from our honeymoon and Bella is her and daddy's birthstone

a sweet video about the circle in our window
The time away was nice, but it didn't seem to change anything. It just anotehr day without him and the missing him hasn't decreased. We no longer have the "first holidays" but there are still many first without him. It did give me time to reflect and realize things that i need to change moving foward. More time will be spent doing things with the kids and left spent on stuff. I found some of the limits of what i can do or am willing to do anymore. Some of these choices will be hard to do but i know i have his strength with me.