Memories of Outdoors

This past week has flown by. It was crazy and I'll admit i was totally off with having the Monday off. Don't get me wrong i was grateful for it, but it puts my already unknown day another days. While we had that holiday break, Summer arrived in full force. We have had 80 degree days, some thunderstorms that brought with it humidity that makes you feel like you have just showered.   The kids are ready to be done with school and it seems like all that is left in school is the fun stuff: extra recess, games, treats and field trips :)

As these days have approached, the loss of Josh has appeared more evident. Last summer, I was in denial and shock through most of the summer. I was also distracted by trying to get a house built and learn how to be a computer teacher.  We have been spending every night out on the patio before bed playing outside. The kids just need that extra fresh air to not fight falling asleep. While we are out there, a cardinal has visited our bird feeder each night.

I know that Josh would totally be outside with us if he could be, so seeing that cardinal reinforces I'm doing the right thing, since it's shaves 30 mins off bedtime. OOPs.

We also have spent time outside planting our garden. IT's not the best or more organized, but it's ours and it has the few things we really enjoy, corn and pumpkins. I'm sending lots of prayers up that our corn will make it.

I opened my phone up yesterday to be flooded with memories from our times outdoors. From times on the farm(first harvest) to swimming at my sisters to celebrate my nieces birthday to the big father's day fishing trip we did early because Josh would be in the hospital for father's day.  That fishing trip got me the most. We had such a blast. Max was only 7 months but he was happy as long as he was with us, that's all he needed was Mama, Dada and sometimes Bella. Bella was so into fishing and wanting her and daddy to catch the big fish. We moved to quite a few locations so she never got bored. She was was Josh's shadow when we went fishing.

Seeing all those photos makes me mourn the fact that we haven't been out fishing yet this year. yes i could take them to the mill pond by us,but what do i do if we caught a fish? I have no luck taking them off the hook.  I just want someone to take us out fishing, take the boat out for a ride and just let the kids explore the lake/pond/river.  How does one even start to look for that person when i know who i want to do it, but yet he's unable too.
In my mourning state I went to a vintage /craft sale in the rain. So many things reminded me of Josh and how he would love them. I did get a couple pictures to put up that combine Josh and I. They don't scream Josh unless you know about our history. I don't want our house a shrine to him, but so much of my life has been with him.
Then i took a little me time and got my hair done. It was nice to catch up with my hair stylist and not worry about anything else. But afterwards i was back on mom duty, picking up my kids from my mom's and heading to farm and fleet. No better place to mourn your husband then his favorite store..or maybe the store he always spend the most money in.  I did the same as him before coming home. The kids picked out a slip and slide. Since it was warm enough and we have enough hills now. So we broke that out first things we when got home. Granted we aren't able to put it on a big hill yet, since the hose is too short and they wanted shade, but they still had a blast using it.

Somehow i manged to pull them away from it to get dress for church, which we showed up late too. Ugh, but we went up to the balcony, which was good because Max needed to be rocked to sleep and then slept through Mass. My arms were jelly by the time I got him to the car. I guess I was exercising my spirit and arms. We ventured to The Corner for supper, as i wasn't up for making it after a long and busy day.

I could have gone home after we ate, but after my day, i wanted to be closer to Josh. So we went to the cemetery and hung out for almost an hour. The kids just ran and played. I sat on the bench taking it all in and feeling close to josh. I hate that i have travel 20 mins from my house to be close to my husband, but at least i'm able to do that, I know some people aren't. With the shade tree and open area around us, it's perfect to hang out at.  Again we are outdoors.. it seems to be a theme or a calling

The end of one chapter and start of a new one

So Monday we finally closed on the farm. A wonderful family is now the owners of it and I’m so happy for them. They even mentioned keeping the wall painting of Brownie, which makes me happy.  IT was more emotional getting to this point. Our weekend was filled with phone calls, sleepless night and augments. Josh and I took a hit so that someone else will not have to deal with with the awful people that we had to deal with.

It was a very long day for all of us. Josh left the lodge around 630am, the kids and I followed at 7:30am. Thankfully a good friend watch the two kids for me while we did the actual closing. Which took an hour and half. Too many hands in the pot :/ I picked up the kids and then we all went to lunch. I took the kids to St. Clement’s to visit one last time before we headed back home. it was great to see those familiar faces.  We did stop at the farm one last time. IT was kind of surreal, as it didn’t seem like ours anymore, yet I had just spend the last 6 years of my life there. We saw the new owners and their kids and it was right to pass the torch on.  We left a bit later then planned but I think it was right for us to be able to say goodbye one last time.

Josh reminded behind for the auction and didn’t make it home until 930pm. Thankfully I got the kids to be before that. Tori and Dylan came over to learn about chores so that made those good quicker.

Tuesday came and it was time to move back to the normal. Josh went to work and the kids and I filled our week with just getting stuff done around here, playing outside, doing chores, hanging out with friends. Kind of what the end of summer should be like.

I had an interview on Tuesday and was hired to work at Bella’s new school for the after school program. I left thinking, what did I do, but then realized I think this will be the best for all of us. I need to get out and do something. Bella will be in school anyhow, Josh at work and gets done almost when I need to start. Just leave little Max, who I think will benefit from being with other kids and learning from other adults. We are going to put him in daycare once it opens up. Until then he will be watched by his great aunt. So the next coming weeks will be changes for all of us. We are looking forward to them.

the kids favorite part of St. Clement’s playground

Working on the chicken coop and playing with Poppers

meeting up with friends for shopping

that last visit to the farm

So on Friday we went back to the farm. I’ll be honest, I found spunky on Wednesday , I was done with the farm. I need to be done with it. Our home now is the lodge and going back and forth is just too hard and hard on the kids too.  But we went back in hopes of seeing some friends and to pick up a birthday cake for Bella.

Well the day didn’t really go as planned. When we got to town we found out the pool was closed, so we went back to the farm where Josh got busy with people stopping by. By the time they all got down it was like 1230 so we ran to lunch at A&W. the kids did pretty well for being hungry.

After we ate, Josh dropped me and the kids off at the kiddie pool while he went to load up the truck and a few other errands. the kids and I had a blast at the pool. But after about an hour and half I could tell they were ready to be done.  So Josh picked us up and we headed back home.

As I type this after the date, I think of some of the pictures I probably should have taken, place I should have check out, trails I should have walked one more time, but my goodbyes were done two weeks ago. I have loved the farm and will always have it in my heart. So many good things happen there, along with the not so good. IT was a wonderful dream my husband has and wanted to share with his family. God allowed us 6 years on the farm before he thought we could sever in other ways. I have so many pictures from the farm and memories. We will pass them down to Max and Bella as they get older and remember less. We are going to try to keep some of our farming ways at the lodge. Farming won’t leave the blood of my husband and kids.

our views from the carport

my kids

The barn

Lunch

 

The pool

Goodbye To the Nuk

The time as finally come to get rid of Bella’s nuk. She has had it since the day she was born. I think it was around a month that we discovered that she loved the MAM nuk style the best. it has helped as many times to comfort Bella when she was upset, in pain or unsure of the situation.  Around 6 months we learned the noise that she would make with the nuk to let us know she was sound asleep. It came in handy.  Long car rides, new places and 20 teeth later, nuk was probably Bella’s best friend.

 

Josh and I have been torn as to when to officially get rid of it. The first goal was age 2, then it was when all her molars were in. Finally after talking to my sister this past weekend, she pointed out there will never be a good time to get rid of it.  So once we got home and all settled in, we decided that Monday was the day.   Bella got to sleep with it sunday night/Monday morning. She got up and put it in her bed with her cow blankie when Josh came in.  We had a normal morning. While Bella had her lunch I snuck in her room and cut most of the rubber part of her nuk off. Then i took the rest of the nuks that i could find and threw them away.

Bella got ready for her nap and asked for her nuk. So i gave it to her. She looked at it funny knowing that something was up. I told her it was broken but she still tried to suck on it. While i changed her diaper(yeah that would be the next stuff), she kept trying to suck on it and not ready to get rid of it. She ask for a new one, but I told her we didn’t have anymore. I asked her if she wanted to throw away her nuk and get a toy for it. She said “yeah toy”. So we said good bye nuk!  Bella threw it away and I gave her a lion cub from her Schliech set. She was really happy with that.

With that we headed back to bed. She asked for the nuk many times. Finally I said she could sleep with my pillow if she would stay in bed. We read a couple stories, i laid by herself, and offered her a few toys. Nothing worked. I finally left her to her room. She ended up using the “i have to go potty” about 5 times, never once going btw. 

We went back and forth with staying in bed from 11am til 1:30pm. By then i realized it was a hopeless cause.

The afternoon and evening was tough with out Bella having a nap. Josh took Bella out to milk and i told him we were going to start bed time at 7:30 since I thought it might take awhile to get her to sleep. While Josh calls me from the barn at 6:15(they went out at 5:15) saying he couldn’t keep Bella awake and wanted to know if she should come in.  So she came in still asleep, but woke up as we undressed her.  Then it was upstairs to put on jammies.

Once Bella was in bed and after her story, we started the falling asleep processes. Bella only asked for her nuk twice and then gave up. I stayed with her for 30 mins before she was finally fast asleep that i could slip out.  We shall see how the rest of the night goes.

Moving on

Well wendesday night was hectic. Bella did not handle the slow transtion over to milk so we finally had to give up on wensdesay night. It was a long night that night.
Thursday Bella was still recovering(as she still is now and it's sunday) so we had a dull morning. I spend it trying to pack to leave for three days and josh was out in the fieild cutting 2nd crop hay. Josh was able to spend about an hour with us before we left.
We headed on the road and Bella took a nice nap. we made it before most of the traffic got too heavy due to rush out and such. We arrived at my sisters around 4:30ish..just as Andy and the kids got home too :) So that meant we got help getting unloaded. Bella enjoyed playing with Elly, Sara and drew.
after Tracey got home and supper, we headed out to the Pool. Bella enjoyed having Elly and Drew in the pool with her. Tracey came out and took bella for a bit so that i could enjoy the pool too!
Friday was Sara's preformace in the Wizard of Oz at Carroll. So Bella and my mom headed out to see that and meet up with Andi. The rest of the family joined us too! Sara did a great job! She only had two weeks to learn her lines and did a great job...the whole show was really good. It's a bit different than the movie version, but still fun. Bella never made a peep durning the show even though she hadn't had a nap. After the play we walked up to the bookstore. I got some carroll college clothes for me and mom and andi found good deals too!
after Carroll we headed back to Tracey's for lunch. Then Andy packed up his family, tracey went to work, mom went home and Bella went to sleep....or so i thought anyhow. She ened up sleeping on me while i watch Princess Protection Program. I know i'm a freak for watching Disney stuff.
After that Tracey arrived back from work. we had fun playing with bella and finding all the leftover toys from her kids that were for bella's age. then we headed to Good Havest to get some healthy organic food! I always spend too much. WE got some fun food there mostly for Bella, though. But i was bummed...no organic carrot cake mix.
That night we did supper and a bath for Bella. THen once Bella was ready for bed, I put her to bed in the trundle in Elly's room and Tracey and I watched Sisterhood of the traveling pants 2..it was good, not as good as the first, but good. I connected with Carmen a lot. I sometimes wish that i had pants to connect me to my friends.
Saturday we got packed up and took Tracey to the rest of her family. THen I took Reggie to my mom's. we hung around watertown a bit. I had to find new shoes for Bella as she had lost hers somewhere at Carroll on Friday. I also hit up Babies R Us and found another pair of shoes, Emlo Bib, Elmo sippy cups with soft spouts and some other stuff. Once we got home, bella got to hang out in the barn with Daddy, while I unpacked and put stuff away.
After supper wtih Jeremy and Kayla we hung out at home til it was late enought to get Bug ready for bed and get everything ready to go to the fireworks. We decided to park along the road and watch them. Bella slept the whole time and Josh andI got some great alone time to enjoy the fireworks.
Sunday after a night of no sleep. We went to Pairie du Chein to see Great Grandma and Great Grandpa, well really it was for Great Grandma's sister's 50th wedding anniversary party. We also got to spend some time with Duane and Diane who also came. Bella had a great time with them. Apprently I"ve been bad and haven't taken her to see them in while becuase she didn't want to leave Diane.
after the party we stopped at Grandma and Grandpa's to get some fish for daddy. We visited only for a bit since Daddy had to get home to bale hay. We also has to stop at Walmart for more forumla since Bella clearly can not have milk yet. Then on homeward. JOsh milked first and then baled the hay. Bella got ot hang out in the barn after mommy did a photoshooot in her pretty yellow dress. Bella ate supper and then I loaded her up in the front pack carrier and headed out to the field to find daddy. WE manged to walk from the house all the way to the bottom on the other end..it was a long walk!

Ok so this post was started sunday morning and it has taken til monday mid morning to get it done.. pictures to follow.

quiet days

Yesterday and today have been queit days. after Snoopy either of Bella or me were in a good mood. Bella acutally slept a ton yesterday. She's not feeling well and i think it's part teeth and part attempting to change her over to milk. I wanted to do it slowly and it's still affecting her a lot! So yeah neither of us are doing the greatest. Today we did run some errend in town. Anners apprently got something from Squeekers so we had to take her to the vet. Yeah not fun at all. Then to the library for exchnage of books, then to the grocery store to find some regular organic whole milk, then to pamida to buy diapers.
once we got home Bella wouldn't go down for a nap and was really fussy. Our Organic inspector was here so Josh was attemping to do that while Bella and I hung out. we ended up going with him to tour the farm and see all the cows.
We skipped swimming yesterday adn wont' be around on thrusday to go either. this is just not a good week.